My Companion Constantly Focuses About Herself: Should I Cut Her Off?

Our friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been often caught off guard in relationships. Her spouse walked away, and it was a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances vanished then, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in greater energy to be my friend, likely grasped more acutely the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

In the time since, several close to her vanished leaving her sure why. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us stepped back from work leading to more time together, however, I feel my role between us is to listen. I introduce discussion points and she changes the talk toward things she cares about. Politically, she expresses unyielding views. I attempt to recommend double-checking information and alternate views.

She is organizing a holiday abroad I've visited repeatedly and resided in previously. My intention was to provide personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She purely just desired my agreement with her choices. I recently returned from 30 days in that place she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she can grasp the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is not often the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear like what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing the way it affects you emotionally. This allows for no argument on this point. What you feel are your feelings, of course. The third step is to question how you are both will alter the interaction of your friendship."

Remember she too has her own side, meaning you must to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say to the other person:

"Now you talk and I promise to not say anything for a set time."

Closing Considerations

Your friend may dismiss all you say, for those who hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative regarding their experiences they won't let go of because their very survival depends upon it and it represents they trust. It's tough as there is no thoroughfare here, mere obstacles. But she may at first react defensively then consider on your words. If a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you closure that you've been truthful.